


no one is safe

by hi_im_robin



Category: Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson, The Turning (2020), the finn wolfhard cinematic universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dealing With Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, I bothered my friend for a week to help me write this, I just want Miles to be happy, I referenced the book speak a lot, I sprinkled in some fluff, I tried to be very responsible when handling sensitive topics, I'm Bad At Tagging, KATE AND MILES ARE NOT A THING THATS GROSS HES A CHILD, Miles Centric, Miles Fairchild Needs A Hug, Miles is sad, No Smut, Other, Panic Attacks, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sort of a fix-it?, another finn wolfhard character, are milesxquint jesselxquint and sort of katexquint, eventually they'll be talk of sexual abuse but I didn't go in detail, flora Fairchild is too cute, i dont like quint, i just want to give miles the love he deserves but he wont take it so it takes a while, i tried to make it soft but there's some angst, im trying to make this as soft as i can, kate and miles don't see eye to eye, kind of a slow burn to happiness, miles Fairchild has a pet spider, miles has some nervous breakdowns, miles isnt into kate but its complicated, no romantic relationships, overprotective miles fairchild, rose is great, soft, speak laurie Halse anderson, the fairchild siblings are too soft, the only romantic or sexual relationships, there might be some panick attacks, there was no good fanfic in this fandom so I am supplying some, there's one rough chapter but that's it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_im_robin/pseuds/hi_im_robin
Summary: "we have to go""i can't, he won't let me leave"after escaping the fairchild mansion miles must confront his feelings.or in other words, they actually did escape the mansion but miles isn't free from his past.(please ignore spelling mistakes and typos)tw: panic attacks/nervous breakdowns and talk of past sexual abuse. but I tried to keep it as pg-13 as possible.
Relationships: Flora Fairchild & Kate Mandell, Flora Fairchild/Kate Mandell, Kate Mandell & Rose, Kate Mandell/Rose, Miles Fairchild & Kate Mandell, Miles Fairchild/Happiness, Miles Fairchild/Kate Mandell, Miles Fairchild/Peter Quint, Miss Jessel/Peter Quint, im bad at tagging relationships sorry, miles fairchild & flora fairchild
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	1. chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: small panic/anxiety attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like my turning fic!

“Where are we going?” Flora asked anxiously from the back seat. 

They’d been driving for what felt like days and Miles had been wondering the same thing for a while now. It couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes or an hour, but Flora hadn’t been away from the mansion in years and Miles had only been to boarding school. This was definitely not a trip to boarding school.

“I have an apartment back in the city,” Kate replied calmly to reassure Flora. 

She was good with little kids. She wasn’t talking to Miles though. She wasn’t good with Miles. But Miles wasn’t good with her either.

The boy rode in the passenger seat beside Kate. The car was mostly silent apart from a few questions from Flora and Kate when she replied. He hadn’t spoken since the beginning of the ride. Every so often he would catch Kate looking over at him like he was going to spontaneously jump out of the car or cause them to wreck or something. He really wished she would just keep her eyes on the road because he was anxious enough as it was. He peered out the window at the trees that whirred by as his leg bounced up and down a bit. It was a nervous habit of his. Kate hadn’t spoken to him the entire time since they’d left the mansion. He thought she was afraid to. He had accidentally let her see his vulnerability and that was something he knew he shouldn’t have done. It was something he knew he couldn’t do. She was treating him differently because of it now. Treating him like he would break at any moment. He despised it but he knew it was true. He did feel one step away from falling over the edge.

He glanced over at her quick enough that she wouldn't sense it. He thought she was pretty. He didn’t like her but he did think she was pretty. Her blonde hair was messy and frizzy and her ocean blue eyes were locked on the road. Miles thought for a moment that maybe it had felt better to have someone see him weak. Maybe it was too hard to be on his own. He shut the thought away quickly as he looked back at the road. He watched the trees go by until there were small buildings sprinkled around. 

Miles hated the uncertainty of the circumstances. Kate didn’t like him. He knew that. He thought that was fair considering how he had treated her, but he was just trying to keep Flora safe. That was all. There was always that voice in his ear telling him to do things. He hated that voice but he listened because it scared him. Kate scared him. Little by little, he was beginning to think she might be safe but every time the thought entered his mind he pushed it away. No one was safe. 

“Miles??” Kate’s voice crashed into his thoughts.

He looked over quickly checking the backseat first out of instinct.

Flora was watching him quietly and attentively. He looked back at Kate. The way the two were looking at him gave the impression they’d been trying to get a hold of his attention for a while. He shook it off as though nothing had happened.

“What?” He replied a bit too sharply.

Kate cowered back a little bit but didn't stand down.

“I asked if you were hungry. We’re stopping for dinner.” She replied with so much kindness it almost hurt. 

Miles didn’t look at her. He noticed his leg was still bouncing as if it had a mind of its own. It probably did.

“Yeah okay.” He replied with no emotion.

He could feel Kate watching him. He felt an overwhelming urge to jump out of the car and run. He wanted out of the suffocatingly small space. He wanted to be away from Kate. He wanted to scoop Flora up and leave. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was the fact the car was still moving and the fact he knew Kate was their best chance now. 

Miles watched as the car pulled up to some restaurant he didn’t know. His breathing quickened and his chest tightened. This was too familiar. It reminded him too much of the days Quint would toss him in the car, drive him into town, and take him to countless bars until they were both drunk. He shuddered. “Kate is safe,” he thought to himself “she’s trying to help us, to keep us safe”. His mind was racing. He couldn’t shake away the feeling of dread that washed over him at the memories. He felt the car stop. Absently he heard Kate say something and Flora responded. He felt Flora’s eyes on him. “Get it together” he mentally screamed at himself “Flora can’t see you like this!” He heard them talking but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He thought they were talking to him. He couldn’t tell. His chest was tightening up once more. 

“Miles,” the voice sounded like he was underwater. He was shaking, he knew that much. 

Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed the boy. He yelped and jumped back violently. He swore he saw Quint at that moment. The man was staring down at him with his devilish eyes bearing into Miles’s soul.

“Miles!” Flora cried.

Harshly he was yanked back into reality. It was no longer Quint in front of him but rather a very startled looking Kate. He’d been staring at her in pure terror. All the color that had drained from his face rushed back in red hot embarrassment. He just stared at her. He didn’t say anything. He was a deer caught in headlights. Kate stared back at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. She seemed confused, worried, and/or maybe scared? A wave of terror hit him once more at a realization. He hoped desperately that he had not done anything. Miles often did things, bad things, and didn’t remember them later. But it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault. He studied Kate quickly. She didn’t appear hurt. He whipped around to check Flora. She was untouched as well. Her soft brown eyes were full of worry and it made his stomach flip uneasily. She couldn’t look at him like that. He had worried her. He couldn’t do that. His job was to keep her safe and carefree. A tsunami of guilt crashed over him. He was failing. If he couldn’t keep Flora safe...

“MILES!” The boy jumped back quickly. He was tense and holding onto his seat so tightly that his fingers turned ghost white. His breathing had quickened again and the small car was suffocating him. 

In a rush, the curly-haired boy unhooked his seatbelt with trembling hands, fumbled until the car door opened, and bolted away. He barely heard Flora and Kate calling after him over the hammering of his own heart as he ran. Visions of Quint flashed before him. “It’s not real,” he told himself “he’s not here. He’s gone. You’re safe. You left.”

His energy left as quickly as it had appeared. Miles slumped against a nearby tree. He hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head in his knees. He didn’t even notice the silent tears that streamed down his soft pale cheeks. 

“Miles?” A soft voice asked. It reminded him of Ms. Jessel or his mother almost, but both of them were dead.

The boy snapped his head up. Kate was standing a safe distance away, her features etched with worry. 

“I’m sorry.” He barely whispered.

He was trembling. She looked at him confused.

“Can I come closer?” She asked in the same tone she would use for Flora when she was upset. 

Miles shook his head as he watched her nervously. Kate sat down where she was. Miles’s eyes never left her. The two sat in silence for a moment before Miles noticed Flora’s absence. The vulnerability in his eyes shifted to fierce a protectiveness. He was still trembling but he tried as hard as he could to ignore the breakdown he was in at the moment and come across as someone who you wouldn’t want to mess with; someone who was in charge.

“Where’s my sister?” He demanded as he sent a watery glare towards Kate.

Startled, the woman responded by saying “she’s waiting in the car”. Then almost as though she could read his mind she added “she’s safe.”

Miles could tell she was telling the truth and let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was no longer attempting to be venomous but soft and small once more. 

Softly Kate asked, “What happened?” 

She looked like she was talking to a hurt puppy or a little kid. Miles couldn’t decide if he despised that or not.

He shook his head. 

“Will you tell me what happened?” The blonde inquired.

“No.” 

Miles stood up abruptly, took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm down, harshly wiped his tears away, and stalked back to the car where Kate opened the door to let Flora out.

“No,” Miles said sternly, but there was still a small quiver in his voice.

“What?” Replied an ever so confused Kate.

“No stopping. I don’t want to stop. We’ll take it on the road.” He was attempting to make his expression emotionless, and it was almost effective, but his eyes betrayed him. Still, no one brought it up.

“But Miles, I’m hungry,” Flora complained.

“I said we’ll take it on the road.” The boy replied irritably before realizing he was talking to his little sister. His tone softened. “Okay?”

Flora sighed disappointedly then crawled back into the car.

“Okay.”

Kate chose not to argue, got back in the car, and ordered their meals. Once they got their food they were back on the road. Clearly, Kate had no idea what just happened and was nervous to even bring it up. Flora stayed quiet as not too upset with Miles anymore. Being around Miles at the moment was like walking on an ice-covered lake, you never know when the ice is going to break but it’s fragile anywhere you stand.

The car was awkwardly quiet for a while, the only sounds being muted road noise and the radio before Flora fell asleep curled up in the blanket in the back seat. Miles had stubbornly decided not to sleep, though he really needed to. He didn’t trust Kate enough to let his guard down like that. He had to watch Kate carefully.

“Hey Miles, why don’t you get some sleep?” Kate suggested.

“Not tired.” He deadpanned, an obvious lie because his eyes were drooping closed every few minutes. He was beyond exhausted.

“Oh, alright… you sure?”

“Yes.”

Silence.

Then, “About earlier...”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” The boy snapped, his voice going higher at the end. He hated how young and upset he sounded instead of strong and commanding.

“Okay.” Kate said after a moment, still clearly unsure of what to do “You can put on some music if you want...”

Yes, please. Anything but this awful silence. At least he could get lost in his music like he always did when he was upset. Miles looked over and messed with the radio until he found something he liked. He got lost in it as he always did and before he knew it, the music and the steady roll of the car against the road had lulled him to sleep against his will. This day had been too exhausting and upsetting for him to stay awake any longer.

He woke up with someone shaking his shoulder.

“Miles, wake up.”

He slowly opened his eyes and looked over. Kate was looking at him as much as she could while driving. Her eyes were filled with worry and concern. Oh god, he hated that expression when it was directed towards him. Why did she look worried? What was wrong? Was Flora okay? All his thoughts were mushing together when he caught a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrors. Oh, that’s why she was worried… His face was blotchy and red with tears streaming down his cheeks. Well shit. 

“Are you alright?” Kate asked.

Miles was used to waking up like this, but not with an audience.

He turned to look at Flora who was still asleep. 

“I want to go to the backseat.” He stated with a voice groggy from sleep. He was asking permission but he phrased it as a statement. Kate probably didn’t know that.

“Okay.” She said, “Be careful and you can climb back right now.”

Miles unhooked his seatbelt and climbed into the backseat. He clipped the new seatbelt on him and looked down at his little sister. She was calmly asleep and wrapped in a blanket. She looked peaceful. Miles snuggled beside her and fell asleep holding her, not even thinking about Kate’s worried eyes as she glanced at him through the mirrors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just made some edits recently but they aren't so major you have to reread it all :)


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally wrote more :) I hope you guys like it

The next time Miles was awakened, the sky was still pitch black; making him wonder if this night would ever end. Once his eyes fluttered open the first thing he noticed was that the car had stopped moving. That caused a momentary moment of panic before he realized Flora was still safe and asleep in his arms. The next thing that he noticed was someone was softly shaking his shoulder. Miles looked up slowly, thoughts too mushed together by sleep to really comprehend what was going on, and tried to find the source of the shaking. His dark chocolate eyes were met with Kate’s pale blue ones. He groaned. 

“We’re here,” she told him softly from outside of the opened car door.

He drowsily watched her as she spoke. It was clear she wanted him to get out of the car and follow her. 

He rubbed his eyes with his pale freckled hands in hopes that they might quit closing shut if he did so. He blinked slowly before beginning to untangle himself and, after a moment his long lanky legs were no longer awkwardly bent so that he could fit sideways in the backseat and his hip was no longer uncomfortably resting against the seat belt fastener. Due to lack of use and just the general clumsiness of teenage limbs Miles almost fell over when he climbed over Flora and stumbled out of the car. He glared when Kate snickered softly but his sleepiness just made him look pouty. 

When Miles noticed Kate move to get Flora from the backseat he quickly reached in to scoop her up himself. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea but the darkness of the night and unfamiliarity of his surroundings was playing with his nerves. 

Flora immediately wrapped her arms around his neck when he picked her up and he couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his lips when she did so. 

“Okay, my apartment is this way,” Kate said as she began walking.

She motioned for Miles to follow her. He did.

His legs wobbled slightly as he tried to keep both himself and Flora walking upright. He didn’t think Kate realized how fast she was walking but he was finding it difficult to keep up.

His eyes darted around as he observed the apartment complex through pitifully dim yellow lights. The darkness of the early hours of the morning swallowed everything beyond the flights of stairs he climbed. The only sounds were the low hum of distant traffic, something Miles wasn’t used to, and their footsteps on the metal stairs. The boy shivered slightly under his sweater. He blamed it on the cool morning air though it could’ve just as easily been his nerves. 

He dragged himself up stair after stair until they finally, after what felt like hours, reached Kate’s floor. Miles adjusted Flora so that more of her weight rested on his hip. She wasn't very heavy but between his exhaustion and his own small frame Miles was finding it difficult to keep her up for much longer. 

They walked down a hallway of doors that all looked the same to Miles. If he wasn’t familiar with the similar look of the dorms at his boarding school he might've thought she was trying to confuse him enough so that he wouldn’t know where he was. Of course, truthfully he didn’t know where he was anyway. 

Previously whenever he was with Kate she was at his house so he had the higher ground. Now that he was away from the mansion he didn’t have that higher ground anymore, she did. That’s what he realized when they arrived at the door of Kate’s apartment. 

Kate reached forward and rang the doorbell. Miles heard it echo through the apartment. 

“Don’t you have a key?” he asked.

He didn’t really mean for it to come across as cryptic as it did, he was just nervous. 

“Yes,” Kate replied calmly but on the cusp of being annoyed, “but I think it’s better to alert her that someone else is here in the middle of the night.”

She clearly hadn’t noticed his nervousness, but then again she never really did and that was just fine with Miles. He shifted his weight in discomfort of the circumstances and as an effort to make the dead weight of Flora easier to carry. 

“But she knows you, she won’t care.” the retort came tumbling out of the boy’s mouth before he could stop it. 

“True, but she doesn’t know you.”

Miles only shrugged, at least best be could with a sleeping 8-year-old in his arms.

“Whatever.”

There was shuffling within the apartment. 

The door opened revealing a young woman with caramel skin, dressed in an over-sized t-shirt and athletic shorts. Her long black hair was tied up in a half up half down style and her eyes were full of sleep. Miles guessed that, like him, she had been asleep before they arrived. 

“Kate?” the woman questioned, confused.

“Hi, Rose.” Kate greeted. 

Okay, so her name was Rose. 

“W- what are you doing here? It’s...” Rose looked down at her phone to check the time “holy shit, it’s 4 am!”

“I know.” Miles groaned, snapping Rose’s attention to him.

Judging by the look on her face, Miles had the feeling she hadn’t realized Kate wasn’t alone.

“Sorry. We had to get out right away.” Kate simply ignored the boy and continued as if he hadn’t said anything. 

“What? Why?”

Miles shifted again. Flora was getting heavier. He hoped they would be let inside soon.

“You know how I called you a few weeks ago?” 

Great, Kate is _still_ talking.

“You said something about seeing things and having second thoughts and that the boy hated you or something?”

Oh, so Kate _was_ having second thoughts because of him. Miles almost smiled to himself. He hadn’t _necessarily_ been trying to drive her away, but it didn’t upset him that he almost did. Okay, so maybe that was a lie. Maybe he _was_ trying to drive her away. It would’ve been better if she had left. However, she did help them escape so maybe it was okay that she had stayed. 

“Um... yeah... well... apparently I wasn’t seeing things. There-“

Miles glared as harshly as he could at Kate as if daring her to continue the story. Rose didn’t need to know anything about what happened. In fact, he wished Kate didn’t either. He was just glad she didn’t know more. 

“...it doesn’t matter.” the blonde woman abandoned her previous story, actually listening to Miles for once. She must’ve sensed it was off-limits to talk about. “Point is I’m moving back in. Flora and Miles are staying here too.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “What?!” 

“Yes,” Miles confirmed. 

Miles didn’t know how he was even still awake enough to comprehend this conversation. 

“Okay, you’re not helping.” Rose quipped at him unamused.

Miles returned her unamused look before he shifted his weight again. His arms hurt. He really was going to drop Flora if he didn’t set her down soon. 

“Kate, you can’t just bring two kids in!” Rose went on. 

“I’m fifteen,” Miles mumbled.

“Still a kid,” Rose confirmed. 

Miles rolled his eyes. Yes, he was fifteen but he called the shots when it came to things that involved him or his sister. 

The world began to blur and morph into things that weren’t there as Miles felt his eyes start to droop shut again. His legs, which were already sore from standing, began to wobble and he knew his balance wasn’t going to last much longer. As if that wasn't enough, he could feel his arms giving out, no matter how many times he adjusted Flora. He looked back over at Rose and Kate to find them still talking about god knows what. They, of course, hadn’t noticed that Miles was on the verge of collapsing. 

“Are we going to stand outside forever?” he interjected sourly. 

Rose and Kate looked back at him irritatedly. 

“Someone has an attitude,” Rose muttered. 

She rolled her eyes as she let them in. 

Thank god, they were actually going inside and he could finally set Flora down. 

“Be nice Miles,” Kate warned.

He fully ignored Kate as he set Flora down on the couch. The living room was the first room in from the door and Miles was thankful he didn’t have to walk too far. He tried to detach the little girl from him as gently as he could but his body was so relieved to let go of the extra weight that he dropped her onto the couch instead. Miles winced a little. Luckily she stayed asleep.

He turned his attention back onto Kate. 

“What makes you think I have to listen to you?” 

He was exhausted and irritable and really didn’t want to deal with Kate telling him what to do right now. 

Kate exhaled sharply. “Listen, Miles, right now I’m basically your guardian. You’re at _my_ house so, therefore, _I_ make the rules. I could throw you out on the street to fend for yourself if I wanted.”

Though he knew he was going to collapse if he didn’t sit down soon Miles kept standing. He wasn't going to surrender to her in any way. Apparently the little bubble they’d been in for the past several hours, Kate not knowing what to say so therefore just not saying anything because she didn’t know what was up with Miles, had popped.

“Fine, then do.” he challenged, arms crossed. 

“Do what?” 

_Oh please._

“Throw me out to fend for myself.”

Kate and Rose exchanged a disbelieving and confused look. “Jeez, grateful much?” Rose mumbled. 

Kate ignored Rose. 

“No,” she stated. 

“Why not?” The boy narrowed his eyes. 

“Because I’m not going to.”

“And why’s that?”

Kate huffed in annoyance or exasperation, he didn’t know. 

“Because I care about you okay?”

Miles almost laughed. Kate did _not_ care about him and they both knew it.

“ _You_ care about _Flora_.” He corrected.

“And _Flora_ cares about _you_.”

The two stood in tense silence for a moment before Miles ended the conversation.

“Still not the same thing.”

Kate, who was obviously exasperated by Miles, turned around and disappeared into the kitchen closely followed by Rose. The moment they were out of sight Miles collapsed onto the couch in pure exhaustion. Flora curled up onto his lap and he began to absentmindedly play with her hair. He sat silently and willed his eyes to stay open and his brain to stay alert so that he could hear the hushed voices of Kate and Rose in the kitchen. He didn’t like that he wasn’t part of the decision making in this household. 

“They’re just kids, I can’t leave them.”

That was Kate talking.

Rose sighed. “But Kate, Miles is 15 and he clearly doesn’t like you.”

“I know, but Flora won’t go anywhere without him.”

Miles rubbed his eyes again and yawned. He wasn’t particularly offended because he knew Kate was only putting up with him because of Flora. Even if it did upset him, he was too tired to care. 

“...two kids? Are you sure about this?”

“I can’t leave them, Rose. You don’t know what happened in that house. Shit, I don’t even know what happened in that house. But they know me. I can’t just throw them in a home. What if they get separated?”

Miles shuddered at the thought of him and Flora getting separated. He looked down at the little girl in his lap. He would never let them get separated even if it was the last thing he did. Flora needed him and, though he wouldn’t ever admit it out loud, he needed her too.

“This apartment isn’t even big enough for them to have their own rooms.” Rose countered. 

“Well, then we’ll get a new apartment.”

“W-what? Kate, do you even hear yourself right now? I understand you care about this kid… but getting a new apartment… I thought you were talking about letting them crash here until you figured something else out… are you thinking about adopting them or something?”

Miles, who had nearly nodded off, froze. Kate be their legal guardian? Well, what else had he expected? He didn’t really know. Had he assumed they would permanently live with Kate now? Now that he thought of it, Miles had been so focused on their escape that he hadn’t thought of anything beyond that. He hadn’t thought about who they would live with or where they would go or how they would get by. He was raised to think he was better than everyone else and that he wouldn’t ever have to work for anything. He was a spoiled rich white boy who always had everything handed to him. He had never had a job before and though he always protected Flora he never had to support her. He was scared. These were real problems that he couldn’t solve by himself. Flora was depending on him in a way she hadn’t ever before. Maybe it was better to stay with Kate… as much as he disliked the idea. 

“I- I don’t know. I guess that isn’t a terrible idea.” Kate replied after a moment. 

“Wait- are you serious?”

Was she?

“You know, I think we should continue this conversation after we’ve gotten some sleep.”

As if on cue Rose yawned. 

“Yeah, I agree.”

Miles sighed in relief. If they were going to sleep that meant they would stop talking about things behind his back and he wouldn’t have to eavesdrop anymore and he could finally go to sleep too. 

Footsteps padded from the kitchen and in the direction of the living room. Miles looked up. 

“Oh, I thought you might be asleep by now,” Kate said a bit surprised, as she entered the living room.

He rubbed his eyes yet again in an attempt to stay awake long enough for this conversation. 

“Why did you come in here if you thought I was asleep?” his words came out slower than he wanted. 

“Well… if you were awake I was going to ask if you wanted to sleep in my room.” Kate offered.

Miles froze. 

“If you don’t want to sleep on the couch… I’ll be with Rose of course.”

He relaxed a little. Kate didn’t notice him tense up in the first place. He contemplated it for a moment. He didn’t really want to sleep in Kate’s room but it offered more privacy than the couch. 

“...sure.” He accepted after a moment. 

She nodded. 

“I’ll show you where it is. I think there's some clothes here that might fit you? I can look…”

Miles didn’t want to wear Kate’s clothes.

“No thanks.”

“Oh, okay.”

Miles carefully moved Flora off of his lap and into a position where he could carry her. However, when he stood up, he immediately fell back down. He couldn’t carry Flora, he could barely carry himself. Kate noticed his dilemma and picked up Flora herself. Although it wasn’t by much, Kate was bigger than him and, to his dismay, could carry Flora easier. The boy pushed himself off the couch, slightly wobbly when he stood up and followed Kate as she showed him where her room and the bathroom were. He was silent the entire time. 

Kate’s room was about half the size of Miles’s room at home, maybe less. The overhead light wasn’t on but Miles could see knickknacks scattered around here and there. It was sort of cozy. It was definitely more inviting than his own home. 

Kate set Flora down on the bed and tucked her in. 

“Okay... well... See you tomorrow,” she said from the door frame. “If you need anything, I’m in the next room.”

Miles nodded slowly in response. 

Kate closed the door behind her as she left, consuming the room in darkness. The only source of light was the dim numbers on a digital clock. Miles looked down at his sister and realized they were safe. Well, maybe not safe… but they had escaped. Something he’d dreamed of doing for so long and now they’d finally done it. It left Miles with a feeling he couldn’t describe. It wasn’t happiness or fear or anger or sadness or anything. Maybe it was a mix of all of them. He didn’t know. What he did know was that his grip on consciousness was about to be nonexistent. So he kicked off his denim converse, with only a little difficulty, and curled up under the blankets. He would’ve been surprised he stayed conscious that long if he’d had time to think about it. Miles fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow, maybe even a moment before. It was a dreamless sleep, only devoid of nightmares because his brain was too exhausted to come up with any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some edits recently but you don't have to reread it


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attack  
> (there's also some reference to past sexual abuse but not really? idk)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long. I know I already posted a new chapter but I decided it was unfinished and decided to write more. I hadn't taken down the old while writing this one but if you already read it make sure to re-read it. I also made edits on previous chapters but you don't have to go back and read those. I was mainly just making Miles a little more vulnerable and teenagery ig. I hope you like the new chapter!

Miles had a new problem.

Previously it had been that he was being eternally terrorized by the ghost of someone who had created all his trust issues in the first place but now, although very relieved that he had escaped, he had a new thing to be afraid of. The unknown. Back at the Fairchild mansion Miles knew what to expect. Although he was not the master of the house, it was still his house and he made the rules for whoever entered. At least… he sort of did. He knew where everything was and had his own room where he could drown out his thoughts through his usually deafening music. It was the only place he ever lived and even though he hated it he also found comfort in it. Ms. Grose worked for him and he didn’t have to listen to her if he didn’t want to. He only had to listen to one person and that person was gone now. A relief really… but now Miles was stuck in a place he’d never been to before with people who weren’t going to listen to him. Nothing here was his except the clothes he was wearing. And even then the sweater he was wearing wasn’t his. He had almost no control over the situation he was in and had no way to get out of it. He was only fifteen and nobody was going to take him seriously. Plus there were so many people who lived in this apartment complex and they were always so loud and he could hear the road from the window. It was overstimulating for someone who was used to being alone in silence.

Miles got out of bed. And walked out into the main space of the apartment. That was another thing, the apartment was so much smaller than his house. It was cozy but also suffocating. Still nicer than home though, if you'd even call it that. And sunlight illuminated it in a way it had never illuminated the mansion.

“Oh, hi.” Kate greeted from her spot at the kitchen table when he entered.

Miles looked over at her.

“There’s some waffles in the freezer or cereal in the cabinet if you want some.” She told him.

Miles nodded a little before finding himself breakfast. He didn’t want to complain and risk Kate getting mad at him. She was probably already mad at him… but he wasn’t used to just sort of finding something in the cabinet for breakfast. He missed Ms. Grose’s eggs and bacon.

“So… I had an idea I wanted to run by you…” Kate began as he sat down across from her with some cereal.

He looked up at her to continue.

“I was thinking that maybe I could take you and Flora to the store today? You know… cause you don’t really have any clothes.”

“Oh, uh… sure.” replied Miles “But… we don’t have any money right now…”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

“Oh… okay. Um… it has to be a small store though. Flora isn’t used to people.”

“Oh! Of course.”

Miles nodded a little before returning to his cereal quietly. Miles alone with Kate was very different than Miles with Kate _and_ Flora. He was much quieter as if he was scared he would say or do something wrong and that she would be upset with him. He had no problem with Kate being upset with him while they were with Flora but by himself was a different story.

“Hey, um… I’m sorry about last night.” He began out of nowhere. “I was really tired and irritable… and you guys were just talking a lot and I wanted to set Flora down and go to sleep…”

“Oh.” Kate seemed surprised that he’d brought it up and apologized “It’s okay. I was tired too.”

“So… we’re cool?” He asked unsurely.

Kate nodded and Miles sighed to himself in relief.

The air was lighter than was at home but the weight on his shoulders hadn’t been lifted, only replaced.

An uneasiness sat at the pit of his stomach even after their conversation. However, Flora was running into the room excitedly before he could think it over. Her eyes lit up even more when she saw Miles was awake.

“Miles!” She squealed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him into the living room. “LOOK HOW COOL THIS IS!!!”

She was referring to the TV. They didn’t have TVs at the manor.

“Yeah, super cool.” He agreed even though he was familiar with TVs and not very interested in them.

“Hey Flora,” Kate began, she must’ve followed them into the room “Miles and I were talking and thought it might be a good idea to go shopping for some new clothes.”

Flora looked over at Miles skeptically as if asking if he really had agreed to that. He nodded and that seemed to please Flora because she was then smiling widely.

“We should probably leave soon if we want to get there before it’s busy. I’ll go get you guys some toothbrushes so you can brush your teeth; I think we have some spare ones around here somewhere… Then we can leave.” Kate said before she went to go find the toothbrushes.

Miles was honestly quite nervous about how this whole thing was going to play out. More so about how Flora was going to react to being in a store. He wasn’t really looking forward to it himself either.

*

Everything was going fine until Flora got lost in the little girl's section. Well, she wasn’t really lost but she had gotten sidetracked by something in the store and therefore gotten separated from Kate and Miles. Neither of them realized it for a moment or two. It wasn’t until Kate turned around to ask Flora something that they realized Flora wasn’t with them.

“Where’d Flora go?” Kate asked urgently.

“Huh?” Miles looked to where he’d last seen Flora but she wasn’t there. His eyes widened in fear and he pulled his crossed arms closer to his chest.

“Flora?!” Kate called into the store.

No response.

“Flora?!” Kate started looking. Her movements were quick and frantic.

Miles’s crossed arms were squeezed even tighter to his chest and he had his forearms in such a death grip that they were probably going to bruise.

“You lost her!” Miles cried.

“I didn’t lose her!”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn’t Miles! This sort of thing happens all the time! She probably just got distracted. We’re going to find her!”

Miles’s breaths were becoming increasingly short and he was starting to shake.

“NO! YOU LOST HER! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” He screamed before running away with the burning of new tears in his eyes.

His heart was hammering deafeningly in his ears by the time he slid into a small corner and pulled his knees to his chest. The only sounds he could hear were his own wheezing and his pounding heart when he clasped his hands over his ears to block out the sounds of the store. Flora was lost. He was alone and she was alone and didn’t know where he was. He didn’t have anything and now he didn’t even have her. None of his thoughts were coming out rationally and they were all mushing together. His head conjured whispers in his ear that made him curl in on himself so far that he could’ve been 12 years old again. In fact, he’d rather be 12 years old because then he wouldn’t be in this mess.

“ _Stop crying.”_ The voice scolded. _“Be a man.”_

He couldn’t stop crying and he honestly didn’t want to be a man in the way the voice meant. His trembling form was hidden behind a rack of flannels hiding him from sight. His choked sobs were heard by no one, as they always were because he had learned to cry silently, and warm salty tears soaked his cheeks and dripped off his chin.

It had to have been at least 20 minutes before he’d pried his hands off his ears, stopped crying, started to breathe normally again, and made himself somewhat presentable in the reflection of a metal shelf. His cheeks were still covered in tear stains and his face was still flushed from crying but it would have to do. Kate probably found Flora by now and he needed to get back to them. However, when he stood up he realized he was lost.

“Miles?!” Kate’s voice echoed through the store.

Quickly he ran over to where he’d heard it.

“Miles!” She exclaimed when she saw him, grabbing him by his shoulders as if he was going to run away again “You can’t run off like that! What were you thinking?!” And then she noticed his wet pink face and her demeanor shifted “What happened?”

Miles pulled out of her grasp harshly.

“Just fucking leave me alone!” He snapped.

“Miles-“

“I said leave me alone.”

“Miles, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I don’t need your help! Leave. Me. Alone!”

Kate looked like she was about to say something else but Flora ran up and hugged Miles. She had previously been distracted by some display.

“Miles!”

Miles remained stiff for a moment before hugging back politely.

“Hey.” He replied lamely.

Luckily both Miles and Flora had picked out everything they wanted before the fiasco and by then all that needed to be done was to purchase it. The register lady was nice and complimented Flora’s fashion sense to which Flora blushed and hid behind Miles. Miles was just tired and waiting for it to be over. He was truthfully really exhausted from his freak out earlier. He carried his own clothes to the car because Flora couldn’t carry all of hers and Kate had to help. He’d mostly gotten lots of sweaters, jeans, and a few hoodies. Then when Kate had insisted he needed some short-sleeved things he got some t-shirts that he had no intentions of wearing. He’d also gotten sweatpants and socks and other boring things, all in muted colors. Flora had gotten lots of bright colored mismatched things that made his eyes hurt to look at. But hey, she was only eight.

Miles nodded off on the car ride home and woke up just as they were pulling into the parking lot.

“Miles! Look at my unicorn shirt!” Flora squealed,shoving it in his face.

“Yeah, super cool,” Miles replied dully, earning a frown from Flora.

“Milesssss.”

“Can you go play with Kate or watch TV or something?”

“Why?”

“I’m tired and I don’t wanna play right now.”

“Oh… okay” she looked disappointed and Miles felt bad, but he really didn’t want to play with Flora right now.

He stalked off to Kate’s room which had unofficially become his and Flora’s. He wasn’t sure where to put his clothes so he just stuck them in the corner closest to his side of the bed. He dug through the bags until he found a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that looked comfortable. He went to the bathroom and changed. He cringed when he saw that his forearms had new bruises from earlier. He just tugged the sweatshirt over them hurriedly. It was a big black sweatshirt that was too big for his small frame in a way that was comforting; almost like a hug.

To his pleasure, he didn’t see anyone when he stepped out of the bathroom. He just returned to his room, threw his dirty clothes in the corner, and burrowed down in the bed. He was out in minutes.

*

“Hey Miles?” Kate’s voice woke him.

He shifted and looked over sleepily.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were asleep.”

He tilted his head slightly as if asking what she wanted.

“Oh, just you’ve been in here for a while. Just wanted to make sure you were okay I guess… and also ask if you wanted lunch. And Flora wanted to hang out with you.” She added the last part as sort of an afterthought but also like the main reason she had come in here.

“Tell Flora I’m asleep.” He replied.

“You sure?” She sounded skeptical.

“Mhm.” He hummed as he rolled over so that his back was to her.

“Well… you probably shouldn’t sleep anymore today if you want to sleep tonight.”

That got his attention and he pushed himself up to a seated position.

“Fine.” He said, rubbing his eyes.

“So… do you want any lunch or anything?”

“Sure.”

“Okay… well, we have sandwich stuff, and… well that’s pretty much it right now.”

Kate told Miles what sort of stuff was available and Miles told her what he wanted. She disappeared into the kitchen and he stayed on the bed for a moment longer. He searched through his bags until he found some socks and tugged them on. He missed his guitar so much. That’s really all he wanted to do right now, mess around with it. Or maybe go hang out with his horse. He hoped the horses were okay. He’d just left them with no one to take care of them. Sure there was someone that came to feed them but he couldn’t help but feel bad. And his tarantula. He hoped she was okay too. He had no way of telling anyone to feed her and no way of going back to get her. He felt a pang of guilt. She would probably starve to death because he just left her.

He got up and quickly made his way to the kitchen.

“Are we going back?” He asked suddenly.

Kate looked up from the sandwiches she was making.

“Going back where?” She asked.

“My house.”

“What?” She sounded flabbergasted “Why?!”

“You know… the horses and stuff…”

“You have someone that takes care of them right?”

Miles nodded.

“Okay… well, we can figure that out later then.”

“But they need people to ride them. And Flora probably wants her dolls…”

“I- I don’t think it’s a smart idea to go back. We can just get Flora new dolls.”

Miles crossed his arms and pulled them to his chest.

“But…” he hadn’t wanted to bring himself into the conversation “I have a pet spider… who’s gonna feed her?”

“Oh. Um… how long can she go without being fed?”

“I don’t know!”

“Maybe we could get someone who works there to bring over some stuff? I think I have some numbers.”

“Okay. When?”

“Uh, I’ll call after lunch.”

Content with that answer, Miles went to go sit at the kitchen table. He picked at his fingernails anxiously while his leg bounced up and down slightly. He stayed quiet as he stared down at the table, occasionally glancing up at Kate when she wasn’t looking. There was a small radio on but it wasn’t playing any music he liked.

“Flora! Rose!” Kate called into the house after a moment “Lunch is ready!”

Flora came running in, dragging Rose along with her. Rose had a small affectionate smile on her face and Miles knew she’d taken a liking to Flora. Pretty much everyone did so it wasn’t a surprise. Flora was really sweet.

*

Just as promised, after lunch was finished, Kate called whoever it was that took care of the horses and did some other cleaning around the house. Miles watched her anxiously as she talked to the man.

“Yes, would you mind bringing some things over to my apartment? Sorry to bother you.” He heard Kate say.

Miles strained to hear the voice on the other end of the line but it was too quiet.

“Miles, what is it you want and where is it?” Kate asked, turning to look at him.

“I’ll tell him.” Replied Miles as he got up to get the phone.

Kate handed it over and he disappeared into his room again. He told the man, whose name he couldn’t remember, what he wanted and where it was. He also added the things he knew Flora would want. Once he was finished (and had explained where everything was several times) he went back to the kitchen and gave Kate her phone back. Kate had some things she wanted as well so he left the room while she was still on the phone.

He went back to his room but then realized he had absolutely nothing to do in there. He could either sit in here staring at the walls or go hang out with Flora and Rose. Neither were appealing options. He looked around the room in search of something to do. Nothing in the room really interested him. It was just random stuff of Kate’s. Old family pictures were scattered around. They ranged from when Kate was even younger than Flora to what appeared to be a few years ago. It felt like invading her privacy to be in a place as personal as her bedroom. He shifted uncomfortably.

Over on her desk, there was a book. He was never really one for reading but he had nothing else to do. He went over and picked it up. The title _Speak_ was written on the front in a typewriter font. The cover was lavender with a line of flowers in order if most wilted to alive. It looked girly, like one of those books you’d see next to a coffee mug with a sweater on Pinterest. Still, it was better than nothing.

He opened it.

He was never one to read all that stuff authors put in the beginning pages. He preferred to start with the story itself. So he flipped through to page three.

_“It is my first morning of high school. I have seven new notebooks, a skirt I hate, and a stomachache.”_

He wasn’t particularly interested until the next page.

“ _I wasted the last weeks of August watching bad cartoons. I didn’t go to the mall, the lake, or the pool, or answer the phone. I have entered high school with the wrong hair, the wrong clothes, the wrong attitude. And I don’t have anyone to sit with._

_I am Outcast.”_

He stopped reading for a moment. This book still felt girly to him but he couldn’t help but find himself absorbed in it. Something about it just… made him have to read more.

*

“Miles?” Kate entered the room right when he was flipping to page 29.

He looked up, a bit annoyed to be distracted from his book.

“He said he’ll bring everything tomorrow morning.”

Miles only looked at her in acknowledgment.

“I was thinking that maybe we could convert the sewing room into a bedroom? That’s what it originally was… but you know… we didn’t need another bedroom. But it could work for you and Flora? There’s a divider in the middle so maybe you could have your own rooms?”

Miles nodded. Sharing a room with his eight-year-old sister was already getting old.

“Okay… well… I can start working on it? Wanna come help?”

“Okay.” Miles finally said.

He knew the job would get done faster if he helped and he wanted his own room.

*

The sewing room was a decently sized room to be split in two. It had taken several hours and several repeats of Kate’s mixtape, but it was finally ready to be turned into two bedrooms. Flora had been helping too but mostly she had just gotten distracted by nicknacks. Rose had helped her make slow progress cleaning. During a break Kate had Miles and Flora pick out beds, bedding, and a few other things within her budget. They were overnight delivery so they were supposed to arrive the next day. For tonight they would have to share Kate’s room again. Miles knew Rose was getting more and more unsure about this situation. It was quickly looking more and more permanent.

The doorbell rang and Rose quickly went to answer it. “Dinner’s here!” She called after a moment.

Flora got up quickly and darted into the kitchen. They had ordered pizza and Flora was excited to try it for the first time. Miles couldn’t blame her because Rose had described it as if it was the best food ever made. Flora seemed to agree because she demolished three pieces by the time dinner was over. Miles only had two.

They sat in the living room watching some random show Miles wasn’t interested in for a little while before Kate spoke up.

“Okay Flora, bedtime.”

“Five more minutes? _Pleaseeee_?” Flora whined.

“Nope.”

“Come on, I’ll tuck you in.” Rose smiled.

Flora seemed to like the idea of Rose tucking her in because she smiled widely and jumped up. Miles didn’t know when they became all “buddy-buddy” but he was glad that Flora was happy. Still, he didn’t know how long this was going to last.

“Night Miles!” Flora said as she ran up and hugged Miles.

Miles smiled a little. “We share a room silly, you’re gonna see me soon.”

“I’m gonna be asleep.” Flora made a “duh” face.

“Okay, then goodnight.” He hugged her back.

Flora and Rose left Miles and Kate in a suffocatingly uncomfortable silence. Miles shifted awkwardly. The events of the day were running through his mind. Would Kate kick him out if he pissed her off enough? Would she kick Flora out too? Probably not… but she could get Flora to adjust to being without him, couldn’t she? And then she wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.

“I’m sorry.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Kate looked over confused. “What for?”

She must not have felt suffocated in the silence like Miles had.

“I shouldn’t have run off at the store and I should have said thank you… and I’m sorry about what I said.”

“Oh… Well, thank you for apologizing.”

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

She didn’t say anything else but Miles could tell that wasn’t the full answer. He shifted again. His leg was bouncing slightly against the couch.

Suddenly he closed the space between them and put his lips on hers. It was only a small kiss but she didn’t kiss back. Did she want more? What was the problem? He kissed her more passionately. That seemed to pull her out of whatever daze she was in because in a matter of seconds her hands were on his chest and pushing him off as fast as she could. Her expression was unreadable and made him wish he could shrink into the couch. Clearly, he had done something wrong. Very wrong. His hands became cold and clammy and his leg was bouncing again.

“I’m sorry.” He tried, voice small and shaky.

“I think you should go to bed,” Kate stated, clearly shaken.

Miles nodded and quickly made his way to his room. He was trembling. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact he had clearly done something very wrong. He had crossed a line.

Halfway there he realized Rose was still in the room with Flora. The last thing he wanted was for them to see him. Flora would ask what was wrong and Rose was Kate’s best friend so she would probably be upset with him too. He decided to just go take a shower. He needed one anyway and maybe he would feel better after.

No one paid him any attention when he slipped into the room silently and grabbed some clothes. He locked himself in the bathroom once he got there and turned the fan on so he wouldn’t have to hear any sounds outside of it. He turned the shower on and discovered the water here heated up quicker than the manor. He took off his clothes without looking in the mirror then stepped into the hot shower. He was right, he did feel better. The water melted away some of his nerves and turned his skin pink. It was probably a bit too hot but he didn’t care.

He stayed in the shower for about twenty minutes before finally turning the faucet off. He stepped out and dried himself off. The mirror was all fogged up and the air was damp and warm. He slipped on some new sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt with some band name on the front. He did actually listen to all the bands on his t-shirts but he had forgotten which shirt he had chosen. He pulled on the same black hoodie from earlier and some new socks before turning the light off and exiting the bathroom.

“He kissed you?!” He heard Rose say from the living room.

“Yeah,” Kate replied.

“Wha- does he like you or something? Oh my god- that’s so weird-”

“I don’t know if he does or not. What do I do?”

Miles slipped into his room and closed the door before he had to listen to any more. He did feel slightly better after his shower, definitely cleaner, but it wasn't enough. There was still a deep dread at the pit of his stomach. Flora was sprawled out across the bed to where he had to move her to have enough room to lay down. The curtains on the window were drawn which made the room pitch black. Miles pulled the covers around him tightly and fell into a restless sleep.

*

Miles’s eyes snapped open as he took a sharp breath in. The feeling of hands on him lingered. He could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest as if he’d just been running. His eyes darted around the pitch-black room. He reminded himself he was at Kate’s apartment. Yeah, the Kate he’d so awkwardly kissed last night. Or, earlier that night. Fuck, what time was it?

Miles stumbled out of bed and to the door. The apartment was dark and quiet. He made his way to the kitchen and saw the microwave clock read 2:45 am. Great. His heart was still beating quickly and his hands were sweating. Somehow he remembered the radio playing in here yesterday and went over to turn it on. He fiddled with the station with shaky hands and finally found a station that was playing some stuff he liked.

_She lives with a broken man_

_A cracked polystyrene man_

_Who just crumbles and burns_

He went to the fridge to get himself a bottle of water and then slumped down into a chair at the table. He downed half the bottle.

_If I just turn and run_

_And it wears me out_

_It wears me out_

_It wears me out_

His eyes began to droop. Before he knew it he was asleep with his head buried in his arms at the kitchen table at 2:50 am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please give me feedback! I reply to comments 😄  
> what worked? what didn't work? things you would like to see in the future?  
> I love talking to you guys ☺️
> 
> also the book he was reading is Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson (it's a great book)  
> and the song he was listening to was Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kate confronts miles, miles begins to find that he relates to Speak more than he thought, gets upset with kate (again) and she gets upset with him, miles loves his pet spider, flora and miles are soft, rose is starting to realize there's something going on, then they eat pizza and watch a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is that two chapters back to back I see here?! 😱 HAPPY HOLIDAYS

“Wha- Miles?”

Miles slowly opened his eyes and looked up. His hand went to the back of his neck quickly. He was stiff and sore. Oh, he was still at the kitchen table with the radio playing. Kate was staring at him completely dumbfounded. He blinked slowly.

“What are you doing in here? It’s 7 in the morning. Did you sleep here?”

Miles yawned and pulled himself out of the chair. He was even more stiff and sore than he thought. 

“On accident.” He replied quietly before he dragged himself to his room, got in bed beside Flora, and went back to sleep.

*

“Miles, what happened last night?”

Great…

“I wanted to listen to some music and I accidentally fell asleep.” He knew full and well that was not what Kate was asking him about.

“No- Why did you kiss me?”

Miles shrunk back into his chair a little bit. He refused to look up and he fidgeted with his hands. His leg was bouncing again.

“ _Miles.”_

His breathing was becoming shorter and faster and his hand gripped onto his chair tightly.

Kate sighed. “I’m not mad, I just want to know why. Do you like me? Because I’m too old for you…”

“I don’t like you.” He said quickly.

Kate didn’t look convinced.

“I really don’t, I promise. I don’t like you like that.” He tried again.

“Are you sure?”

Miles nodded. “Very sure.”

“Then why did you kiss me?”

Miles stiffened. All he’d wanted to do was have breakfast in peace but Kate just _had_ to bring this up. Why couldn’t they both just forget about this and pretend it never happened?

“I’m sorry.” He apologized quietly.

“Miles… why did you kiss me? Did you _want_ to kiss me?”

Miles shook his head. His leg was bouncing even more with his growing anxiety.

“Then why did you?”

“I’m in trouble.” It was both a question and a statement. A thing he was waiting for her to confirm. She was acting calm, not mad, and it was so confusing. He was in trouble, wasn’t he? He’d crossed a line so therefore he was in trouble. Right?

“It depends.” She said.

“On what?”

“On why you kissed me.”

He squirmed uncomfortably in the wooden chair.

“Because I thought you wanted me to.” He told her so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

“What?! Why would I want you to kiss me? You’re a kid, that’s gross.”

Miles stood up quickly and threw the rest of his cereal away. His appetite had vanished.

“Miles?!”

He ignored her and put his bowl in the dishwasher. His hands were shaking and he was thankful he hadn’t dropped it.

“Miles, why did you think I wanted you to kiss me?”

“I don’t know.” He lied.

Kate was about to say something else but he hurriedly vanished back into his room before she could.

He took a few deep breathes in an attempt to calm himself down. The book he’d been reading yesterday was sitting on the desk where he’d left it. He picked it up. He needed a distraction. Flora was up by now and watching Sesame Street or something with Rose. He opened the book.

_I bet none of them ever stutter or screw up or feel like their brains are dissolving into marshmallow fluff. They all have beautiful lips, carefully outlined in red and polished to a shine._

_When the pep rally ends, I am accidentally knocked down three rows of bleachers. If I ever form my own clan, we’ll be the Anti-Cheerleaders. We will not sit in the bleachers. We will wander underneath them and commit mild acts of mayhem._

Miles read for hours. Kate came in to check on him after about an hour and a half but decided not to disturb him when she discovered he was completely engrossed in a book. He was only disturbed a few hours later when Rose came in.

_IT found me again. I thought I could ignore IT. There are four hundred other freshmen in here, two hundred female. Plus all the other grades. But he whispers to me._

_I can smell him over the noise of the metal shop and I drop my poster and the masking tape and I want to throw up and I can smell him and I run and he remembers and he knows. He whispers in my ear._

Miles shuddered.

“ _Miles.”_ A gruff ghostlike voice whispered into his ear.

A shiver ran through him and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He shuddered again. A knot formed in his stomach. The feeling of cold fingers brushed against his face.

The book fell out of his hands and tumbled into his lap.

“Miles?”

He looked up.

“I’m sorry if I startled you.”

It was Rose. She was standing in the doorway.

He shook his head as if to say she hadn’t startled him.

“You’ve been in here all day… I was just wondering if you wanted a snack or something… Kate said you didn’t eat much breakfast. Maybe you could come watch a movie or something with Flora?”

He nodded. He flipped back to the page he’d been on, dog-nosed it, and got up.

“Miles!” Flora exclaimed when he entered the room “Ms. Kate said our stuff just got here!”

Miles’s eyes lit up and he and Flora raced to the door and all the way down to the parking lot. The man, whose name he still couldn't remember, was standing outside a navy blue SUV and getting things out of the car. Kate was talking to him and assisting him. Flora ran as fast as she could and engulfed her favorite doll in a hug. Miles did the same but with his guitar. He figured he looked stupid but he didn’t care. He missed his guitar like it was a person.

“Hi, Flora.” Kate smiled “Miles.”

“Where’s Sam?!” Miles asked with childish excitement.

“I’m guessing that’s the spider…” the man did not seem charmed.

“Yep.”

The man lifted a large terrarium from the backseat. Miles carefully set his guitar down and took the terrarium. He could feel Kate’s disgusted stare on his back but he didn’t care.

“Thanks.” 

The man nodded.

The terrarium was so big he had to carry it by itself and leave his guitar in the parking lot.

“Wow- is that a tarantula?” Rose asked when she opened the door for him.

The terrarium was up to his nose and blocking some of his vision the way he was holding it.

“Yeah,” he said, “where do I put her?”

“Um… in your room? Your new room, not Kate’s room.”

It took several trips but eventually, both Miles and Flora had all the stuff they’d asked for in the apartment. There was a pile of stuff in the corner of each of their rooms, they would adjust everything after they’d set up their beds. Which, conveniently arrived only a few minutes after the man left.

“Okay, these are your Flora and these are Miles’s,” Kate said, gesturing towards two piles of boxes.

Miles started dragging the box that was his bed into his room.

“I can help you with that.” Rose began.

“I’ve got it.” Replied Miles.

“Well at least let me help you set it up.”

Miles looked hesitant but knew he couldn’t set up an entire bed and dresser by himself.

_* a few hours later_ *

“Wow, Flora… that dollhouse is beautiful.”

Flora smiled at Kate.

“It was my great grandmother’s.” She chirped.

Rose and Kate just stared at it. It was a very accurate replica of Bly Manor. It took up an entire corner of her room and had its own custom stand that held all the dolls, extra clothes, furniture, decorations, etc. And there were a _lot_ of dolls, extra clothes, furniture, decorations, etc.

“This one’s me,” she exclaimed as she held up a small doll that resembled her “and this one’s Miles!” She held up another doll that resembled Miles.

“Oh, which ones are these?” Kate asked, holding up a pair of dolls that resembled Mr and Mrs. Fairchild.

“…no one.”

“I’m sure they’re someone.”

“She said no one.” Miles interjected sharply.

“Oh… okay.” Kate handed the dolls to Flora, who quickly buried them in the bottom of the stand.

Miles stalked back to his own room and continued setting it up. He had a brand new mattress that looked really soft and a brand new package with bedding that was dark grey and pale blue. On the wall next to his bed he hung up a big corkboard. It was covered in lots of random papers and photos of him, Flora, and their parents over the years.He put Sam’s terrarium on top of his dresser. He had a CD player sitting on his bed playing one of his favorite albums. His door was closed so he hummed along while he put his clothes in his dresser. It was an enjoyable process really; just humming along to Nirvana and arranging his things.

Kate lightly knocked on the door before she opened it. He looked over from his dresser.

“Need any help?” She asked.

“…not really.”

“You sure? It looks like you’ve got a lot of stuff to unpack there.” She gestured to his open school trunk that had been used to store all his things.

Miles just sort of looked at her. He couldn’t really argue. He did have a lot to unpack. Maybe she could organize his guitar picks or whatever.

“Um.. sure I guess.”

He stiffened when he heard Kate shuffling through his things. This was such a bad idea.

He made his bed while she arranged his books on a small bookshelf.

“What’s this?” She asked after a few songs.

Miles looked over. She was holding one of his most prized possessions: a scrapbook his mom had made and updated for him until she died. He grabbed it out of Kate’s hands and hugged it close to his chest.

“Don’t touch that.” He snapped.

“…okay sorry…”

He quickly put it in the drawer of his nightstand.

“What about these?”

Miles completely froze. She was holding a stack of letters. He didn’t even know those were in there. He remembered trying to burn them once in the middle of the night and sobbing for hours because he just couldn’t. He’d hidden them in the bottom of his trunk because he’d never wanted to see them again.

“Stop going through my stuff!” He shrieked as he snatched them out of her hand and threw them back into the trunk with force.

“Miles-“

“Get out of my room.”

“Wha- Miles-”

“Get. Out. Of. My. Room.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Get the fuck out of my room!”

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s fucking wrong! Stop trying to act like you’re my mom and like you care because you aren’t and you don’t. Just fucking leave me alone. How many times do I have to tell you? Get out!” He seethed.

“Oh my god-“ her eyes narrowed, “You asked if you were in trouble earlier; well you are now.”

She turned around and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Miles deflated and sank onto his bed. It was as if all of the air inside him had been knocked out.

_Fuck_

Now he really was in it with Kate.

He turned the volume on his CD player up to where it was probably audible outside his door and in Flora’s room. He started going through his trunk again, this time with slightly trembling hands. He pulled out a battered stuffed animal his mom had given him, a horse, and hugged it to his chest. He buried his face in its soft mane and just sat like that; shaking with his face buried in an old stuffed animal and his back against his bed frame.

“MILES TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN!” Kate yelled.

He scrambled to his CD player and clicked the volume down.

*

“Miles?” A small voice called from the door.

Miles looked up from his spot on the floor, still hugging his stuffed animal.

“Are you sad?”

Flora walked over and plopped down next to him.

“No.” He lied.

Flora raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing him.

“I’m fine Flora.” He sighed as he put his horse back into his trunk. “What do you want?”

“Come play with me!”

He thought about it for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. What do you wanna do?”

“DOLLHOUSE!”

Miles smiled a little bit. “As long as I get to bring Sam.”

Flora’s face scrunched up. She didn’t hate Miles’s spider but she didn’t love it either.

“Aw come on. No spider, no deal.”

“…fine.”

Miles hopped up and excitedly opened the top on the terrarium. Sam, the tarantula, stretched her long spindly legs out and crawled up on Miles’s hand. He watched her do so with awe. Her hairy little legs tickled his skin causing him to giggle softly. He closed the terrarium and let Sam crawl up on his shoulder. Flora was giving him a “you’re so weird” look and he smiled back at her.

“Okay, what are we playing today?” He drew the words out dramatically.

Flora giggled and a sudden surge of warmth spread throughout him and he smiled.

“We’re playing us!”

“Okay, then Sam gets to be me.”

“Noooo,” she drew out “you already have a doll.”

She gave him a “duh” look as she held his doll out to him.

“I feel like I should be concerned that you have a doll version of me.”

“You have a big hairy spider.”

“Hey, she’s pretty! Don’t listen to her Sam.”

Sam was crawling on his head, clearly not at all interested in whatever the Fairchild siblings were going on about.

Flora just gave him a look.

“Okay fine, I’ll use your little voodoo doll.”

“It is not!”

“Yeah, it so is.”

“Is not!”

“Totally is.”

“Milessss.”

“Whaaaaat? I’m just telling the truth.”

“If you keep calling them vowoo dolls then Sam isn’t allowed in the dollhouse.”

“Voodoo,” he corrected

“That’s what I said.”

“and fine.”

Miles scooped Sam up and out of his dark curls then placed her into what was supposed to be his bedroom in the dollhouse.

“It will never not creep me out that this looks exactly like my room.”

“I think it’s cool.”

“Creepy.”

“Cool!”

Miles lunged forward and started tickling her.

“Miles!” She gasped between giggles.

Miles was laughing too, a laugh that was reserved only for his sister. Flora squirmed out of his grip and started tickling him instead. He was gasping through his giggles and rolling around on the floor trying to squirm away from her. He thought it was very unfair how he was more ticklish than she was.

“Okay okay! I surrender!” He laughed.

Flora squealed and started tickling him even more. “Are you gonna call it creepy again?”

“N-no!” He gasped out.

She stopped tickling him.

He raised an eyebrow mischievously. “I lied.”

Flora gasped and lunged forwards to tickle him but he rolled away just in time.

“Okay okay! Are we gonna play or not?” He giggled.

“YES!”

“Okay, I’m going to ride Samson.”

“You _always_ ride Samson!”

“Uh yeah, cause he’s my horse.”

“Noooo you can’t go ride him, then I have nothing to do.”

“Fine, what do you want me to do?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm, you’re going to have a tea party with me and Ms. Jessel.”

“You _always_ make me do that.”

“Yeah, cause they’re the best.”

“Well, what if I don’t want to do a tea party?”

“Fine, then we’ll do something else.”

Flora arranged her doll so that it was in the living room and on the couch.

“Okay, rules:” she began

“No sheets on the mirrors,” Miles said as he took all the little sheets off the mirrors.

“No creepy squeaky windows,” Flora added as she opened all the little windows.

“No Kate,” Miles took the doll Flora had been using for Kate out of the dollhouse.

“No… _him_ ,” Flora took out Quint’s doll hurriedly.

“And them,” Miles pulled the parent dolls out of the stand and set them in the living room with Flora’s doll.

“Okay. So me, you, mom, dad, Ms. Grose, and Ms. Jessel.” Flora counted.

Miles shook his head and took Ms. Grose and Ms. Jessel out.

“Me, you, mom and dad.” He corrected.

“CAN WE HAVE A DOG?!”

“Sure.”

Miles took Sam out of his room and placed her in the living room

“Sam’s the dog?” Flora raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, why?”

“I already _have_ a dog.”

She pulled out a small dog figurine and placed it in the living room.

“Okay fine, then Sam is my _giant_ tarantula.”

Miles smiled widely and nudged her.

“That’s so creepy.”

Miles took his doll out of his room and placed it on the couch with Flora’s doll.

“Aw come on, she’s cute!”

“…I don’t know what you think ‘cute’ is… but she isn’t.”

“So rude. Sorry Sammy, don’t listen to the mean little girl.”

“I am not mean!”

“Tell that to Sam. Look how sad she is.” he stuck out his bottom lip and attempted puppy eyes.

“You’re so weird.” She giggled.

Miles was absolutely beaming.

They played in the dollhouse for several hours before Rose came in.

“No! I want mom to come play with _me_!” Miles argued.

“Nu-uh, she’s having a tea party with _me_.”

“She _just had_ a tea party with _you_. I want her to come play with _me_ now!”

“ _You_ have your giant spider already.”

“ _Hey_. No, dad can have a tea party with you.”

“Ughhh _Miles_.”

“Sorry not sorry, you’ve been hogging her the whole time.”

“Have not!”

“Have too.”

“Have _not_!”

“Have-“

“Hey guys…” Rose began awkwardly.

Both Fairchild children’s heads snapped to her immediately.

“Um… I came to tell you it’s dinner time.”

“It is?” Flora asked.

Neither of them had realized how late it had gotten.

“Yep. Seems like you guys have been having a lot of fun in here.” She smiled.

“YES! Come look! I have a dog!” Flora squealed.

Rose walked over and peered into the dollhouse.

“Wait- Is that Miles’s spider? In the dollhouse?”

“… yeah.”

Miles softly stuck his hand in the room his doll and Sam were in. She noticed his hand immediately and crawled up on it and up his arm. He was very gentle with her.

“Why is that _thing_ out of its cage?” Kate demanded as she stepped into the doorway.

Miles flinched back slightly and Sam hissed.

“It’s not a cage, it’s a terrarium.” He corrected.

She gave him a “don’t get smart with me” look.

“We were playing in the dollhouse…” Flora added.

“… _with_ the spider?” Kate was skeptical.

“Yeah,” replied Miles “she likes to crawl around in there.”

Kate gave a disgusted look so Miles quickly got up to put Sam away.

“Hey!” Kate exclaimed as he passed her “It bit me!”

“She doesn’t like you,” Miles stated, but it was clear that he wasn’t just talking about the spider.

Sam hissed as he walked out.

“Miles-“

Miles shut his door before Kate could continue.

“Sorry, Sammy.” He sighed as he put her back into the terrarium.

She left one of her spindly legs on his finger as if she was trying to comfort him; maybe she was. He gave her a small smile before lifting his hand out of the terrarium and putting the lid back on.

“Miles! Come get dinner!” Kate called.

“See ya later.” He told the spider softly before exiting his room.

“Hey Miles?” Rose caught him in the hall.

He looked over at her.

She walked back into Flora’s room, clearly expecting him to follow.

“Who’s this?” She asked gesturing to the doll that was his mom.

“Why are you asking me?” He said defensively.

“Just asking. Do you have a secret girlfriend or something?” She raised an eyebrow.

He knew that she knew that wasn’t his girlfriend and was just trying to get it out of him.

“Ew, gross.” He replied.

“Then who is she? You seem pretty close…”

The dolls were set up in his room in the dollhouse. The mom doll had one arm wrapped around the Miles doll and was holding an open book in the other. They were sitting on his bed and his doll was in his pajamas. Flora must’ve done that…

“It’s nobody.”

He quickly shut the dollhouse and walked away.

“Hey Miles.” Flora greeted softly when he entered the kitchen.

She must’ve been weary from earlier.

“Hey Flora.” He replied as he got himself pizza.

His stomach hurt because he’d forgotten to eat lunch and had barely eaten breakfast.

“Come on, let’s go watch a movie.” Rose decided.

She stood up and disappeared into the living room.

“Guess we’re watching a movie,” Kate said as she got up and followed.

Once everyone’s stomachs were full of pizza Flora crawled over to Miles on the couch. He was curled up on one end of the couch with his head next to one of the arms. She pushed him back a little bit so that there was room in front of him for her to lay down. Miles wrapped an arm around her subconsciously.

By the end of the movie, his breaths were soft and steady in her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please give me feedback and interact with me lol. i tried to make this chapter a break from the angst but miles is an angsty boi


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